it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so let's talk penis.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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