You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
