I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
