rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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