Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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