I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
