Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
