my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
