ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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