somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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