Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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