he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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