I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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