Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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