Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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