How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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