Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
