Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
