The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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