I just pynch a tree in the face
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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