awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
