Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
