matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
