You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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