there's paper in my vomit.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
