he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
