It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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