Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
