You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
