he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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