This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
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Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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