Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
