If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
