I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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