They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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