I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
