If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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