You just made me feel so damn special
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
