I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
