My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
