Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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