need another drink. this is the easiest way
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
