I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
