you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The power of my boobs compel you
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
