So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
