I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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