He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
