So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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