Sponge bath it is.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
