I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
