Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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