I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
