I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish you could order shots online.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
