Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
