a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
