she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
