I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
