Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
