the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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