you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
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Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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