Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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