smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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