You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
