we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
