i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
