Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
