so that wasnt chicken after all
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
