2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
